![]() We are relationship-ists of the worst kind. Simply existing together and enjoying another’s company – whether via the Internet, over the phone, in person or otherwise – is not enough for those of us who crave a carefully planned and externally accepted path. If they cannot settle upon a recognized label, two people can feel as if their relationship is not understood equally or in the same way. ![]() Without the reassurance of some definition, the future may feel too uncertain or unpredictable. Perhaps we do this because we are so terrified of the unknown. Why are we so eager to find a certain name and way to contextualize our interactions? Doesn’t it go against everything we learned in school – that each person is his/her own individual with unique needs and desires, that labeling an individual (or multiple people) only limits his/her capabilities and narrows opportunities? Somehow, we still have some unavoidable urge to fit each of our relationships into a tidy box with perfect parameters and straightforward definitions. ![]() How often are you asked to describe your relationship with another using only black and white identifications: “dating”, “hooking-up”, “breaking up”, “it’s complicated” (thanks Facebook), etc. How many times have you been part of the early relationship discussion that asks “what are we?” and how many times have you settled upon using one of the hackneyed phrases we seem to accept as gospel: “in love”, “friends-with-benefits”, “boyfriend/girlfriend,” “just friends”. There is no space that we try harder to define or label than in the context of relationships. And we are always looking for phrases or perspectives that can help to put parameters on who we are and what we do: Winner, Doctor, Boss, Over-Achiever, Teacher, Mother, etc. We are constantly striving to become someone or something that is clearly recognizable and will fit under a certain title. However, despite this careful avoidance of political incorrectness or judgment of others, we are obsessed with acquiring a label through which to define ourselves.
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